being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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