Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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