I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
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I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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