I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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