Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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