Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize