Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just google imaged poop.
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he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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