my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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