the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize