Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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