In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
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I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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