Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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