I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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