whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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