grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize