Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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