I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize