I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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