I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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