Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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