how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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