So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
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I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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