It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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