my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize