God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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