I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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