sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize