I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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