My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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