I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
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We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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