Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
