U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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