A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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