My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
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All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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