Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize