Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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