I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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