I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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