your thong is hanging out like whoa
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
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At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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