I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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