3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize