you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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