I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
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Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
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HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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