eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
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Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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