I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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