well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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