While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize