And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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