Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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