Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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